My favourite Taylor Swift song changes regularly. Sometimes I’ll latch onto one while I’m writing a book, and for a while it becomes the song. It’s not just Taylor Swift, either. Any song, by any artist, can become tied to a particular story.

My work in progress—lovingly known as London Love Story on my hard drive—has been written to a number of songs, one of which is Falling Slowly from the soundtrack of the Irish film Once. The song won the Academy Award for Best Original Song in 2008, and I was deeply saddened this week to hear of the passing of Glen Hansard, one of its writers and performers.

I’m not introducing a novel idea here, I know. Music has an incredible ability to transport us. It can take us back to a moment, an exact place, or remind us of people who are no longer in our lives. I can tell you exactly where I was the first time I heard an Oasis record. And now, all these years later—after a World Cup where wonderful England fans made “Wonderwall” their anthem—I hear it blaring from my kids’ room. The twins have fallen in love with it, and I can’t help wondering whether the memories that song creates for them will one day be as strong as mine.

Is there book news, Amanda?

Umm… honestly, and rather sadly, no.

Guys, I won’t lie. It’s been hard.

Getting back to a place where I can write consistently has been a battle because, mentally, this year has been a little dark. Which feels strange, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t I still be celebrating the release of my first novel?

With Echo not being around next year, and unable to secure a new book deal, I’ve actually had to increase my work hours. So even the free time to write has been hard to find.

I’ve found writing in safe spaces has helped me find my way back. Instant feedback, in particular, gives me a boost. Goodreads… does not. (Says every published author ever.) Even so, I still can’t resist having a peek. Even the negative reviews remind me that The Last Resort is out there in people’s homes, being read. And despite everything, I love that. That’s what I wanted.

A lot of the information about publishing comes from authors who are well established in their careers, and rightly so. They’ve earned the authority that comes with experience.

From the perspective of an emerging author, though, I can tell you it can feel bleak. And incredibly lonely.

It demands extraordinary resilience and more unpaid hours than I’ve ever devoted to anything else. Honestly, if my day job expected the same unpaid commitment, I’d probably resign.

Which always brings me back to the same question.

Why?

Why do we do it?

I suppose because I still love telling stories. Even if that love has been thoroughly tested, I still feel compelled to write them.

Would I recommend publishing?

The experience has been tough, and so the jury is still out.

But I know this much: I’m not finished yet. And I want to thank you for being here with me.

Especially those of you who have taken the time to email or send me messages. It’s wonderful. You are literally my Wonderwall (urgh, saccharine much? No wonder she can’t get a book deal -hahahaha)

Love A x